Top 10s: Grandfather cars

By John LeBlanc You — or someone you may know — may have a reached a point in your driving life where style, performance or the latest in engineering just don’t matter anymore. Welcome to the little known auto segment called Grandpa cars. Mainly large, serene driving, conservative sedans, these cars are perfect for your Grandpa to out perch a fedora on the rear parcel shelf, accompanied by a box of tissues and a bobble-head schnauzer, of course. Sadly, two of my favourite Old Man rides, the Hyundai Azera and Kia Amanti, have been put out to pasture this year. But don’t fret; I still managed to find 10 of my top cars for your Father’s Father: 10. 2010 Maybach 57 Unlike its main rival, Rolls-Royce’s Phantom, the Maybach 57 has little appeal for anyone under the age of retirement. Where the Roller is all tres chic and avant garde, the $366,000 Maybach 57 (there are more expensive and larger models as well), is as conservative as the elderly Swiss bankers who make up most of its customer base. And while your grandchildren may worry about Grandpa’s ability to drive as he gets on in age, as a Maybach owner, he’s more than likely not behind he wheel. Even with a 550 hp 5.5-litre twin-turbocharged V12 powering its rear wheels only, the biggest Mercedes S-class in the world is a limousine first, second and third. 9. 2010 Jeep Commander Nostalgic Grandpas will love the biggest Jeep you can buy. It’s a wonderful reminder of cars from the 1940s. Poorly made, suck-the-Earth-dry fuel economy, ox-cart handling and poor space efficiency make the $36,245 to $47,445 Commander a standout for all the wrong reasons in today’s crossover market. A wheezy 210 hp 3.7-litre V6 (a 357 hp V8 isn’t much better) and the Commander’s combination of a tall roof and narrow body means Grandpa won’t be making any “sports car” moves in his Jeep. 8. 2010 Lexus LS 460 Your Father may drive the mid-size Lexus ES 350 sedan. But his Father would be happier behind the wheel of the full-size LS 460, a throwback to the Detroit luxobarges of yore. With prices between $82,900 to $94,550, it helps to be up there in age, so to speak, just to accumulate the wealth required to buy Lexus’s flagship sedan. However, the biggest challenge for the LS drivers may be staying awake. With a 4.6-litre 380 hp V8 that silently gets Grandpa to those early tee-off times, the big Lexus is a virtual sensory deprivation chamber when it comes from separating anything that’s going on at road level from its coffin-like cabin. 7. 2010 Chrysler Town & Country The T & C is the perfect car for all those pre-Viagra sufferers. You know, the poor sods who were antiquing until they took the little blue miracle pill? Despite an interior and driving characteristics that have a hard time keeping up with the class-leading Honda Odyssey, Chrysler’s minivan is the perfect car for those Grandpas who are into gardening, family outings or pottery. 6. 2010 Acura RL It helps to be of a certain age to even know Acura’s flagship RL sedan exists. Where other top-line sedans sport big V8s and roomy interiors (see Lexus LS 460 above), most of the RL’s customers are loyal Legend owners that aren’t bothered by the Acura’s relatively anemic 300 hp 3.7-litre V6. Underneath its recent rhinoplasty that attempts to make the dated RL look younger, the Acura sedan is actually a decent drive. Acura’s excellent Super Handling All-Wheel-Drive is standard, and it has relatively sharp steering and nimble road manners. 5. 2010 Chevrolet Impala Grandpa may remember that during General Motors’s heyday during the 1950s and ’60s when full-size cars filled the sales charts, Chevrolet’s Impala was the best-selling automobile in the U.S. Unfortunately, the Impala’s nameplate is the only carryover from those glory days. Reborn again in 2000 to replace the mid-size Chevy Lumina, the Impala is the car for Grandpas who can’t stand the idea of buying a Honda Accord or Toyota Camry. Like some of its owners, the Impala is long overdue for the retirement home. It rides on an arthritic GM platform that debuted in 1988. And its 207 hp 3.5-litre V6 is outgunned by four-cylinder Hyundai Sonatas. At least Grandpa can brag he’s driving a Canadian car. The Impala is still made in GM’s Oshawa plant. 4. 2010 Ford Taurus If your Grandpa has loyalties to Ford, think of the new full-size Taurus as a modern day Galaxie 500. With plenty for room for five, a big enough trunk for a foursome, and enough sheet metal to take the occasional parking lot ding, the Taurus is the perfect car for Grandpa to place his fedora in. Except for the high-performance SHO model, all Tauruses are powered by a smooth 3.5-liter V6 with 263 hp, with numb steering and soft handing. But with a low-low starting price of $29,999 for the base front-drive SE models, there should still be room left after the Canada Pension cheque’s cleared for a night out at bingo. 3. 2010 Buick Lucerne What with talk of compact cars and rebadged European Opels filling Buick showrooms, you don’t hear much from GM’s sort-of-luxury brand these days in regards to its so-called flagship Lucerne, one of the last of GM’s Old School luxury sedans. Sharing a platform with our top ranked Cadillac DTS, the Lucerne offers a pillowy ride and a stress-free driving experience. While its nondescript styling will draw little attention from anyone. Just the car to keep Grandpa’s blood pressure in check. It’s no Roadmaster. But Starting at $33,095 for a 227 hp V6 model (there’s also a 292 hp V8 for $52,315), the front-drive Lucerne is a relative Grandpa bargain. 2. 2011 Toyota Avalon Think of the Avalon as a better built, nicer equipped Lucerne, and you have a pretty good idea of the perfect Toyota for Grandpa. Not that anyone would notice, but allegedly Toyota has updated the Avalon for 2011. There are some styling tweaks and boasts of the segment’s only reclining rear seats—perfect for naps! Also perfect for snoozing is the big Toyota’s driving demeanour. Basically a stretched Camry, the Avalon gets a similar 268 hp V6 that’s as smooth as prune pudding. And its one-price ($41,100) strategy for 2011 means less stress at purchase time. As long as Grandpa can remember where the nearest Toyota dealer is located, the Avalon awaits. 1. 2010 Cadillac DTS This is the car that every Grandpa aspires to: the Cadillac of Cadillacs, the DTS. While the Germans are on another planet when it comes to what a flagship should be, GM sticks with the front-dive, easy driving DTS, mainly because it keeps on selling. Soft, quiet, comfortable — and with a 275 hp 4.6-litre V8 that will remind your Father’s Father of Devilles and Fleetwoods from the past — like most of its owners, the DTS won’t be long for this world. My advice? Direct Grandpa towards a DTS while it’s still around, or he’s still breathing, whichever comes first.

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