Road Test: 2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8

A few years ago, an American Baptist minister, Reverend Jim Ball, queried that, if Jesus created the universe, anything that harms his creation also harms Christ Himself. With a dubious eye toward sacrilegious gas-guzzling sport-utility vehicles, combined with an expected leap of faith from his audience, the environmentally conscious Reverend Ball asked the question, "What would Jesus drive today?" Ball answered his own question by anointing Toyota's gasoline-electric hybrid Prius as the Holy Choice in wheels. But if one's a contrarian masquerading as an automotive journalist, the follow-up to Ball's question has to be: "What would the Devil drive today?" Slack thinkers may offer up the obvious: Lamborghini's Diablo, or the not-very-demonic Dodge Demon from 30 odd years ago. I, however, nominate a vehicle in which I recently spent a week sinning. A vehicle that rumbles by as if Satan himself had just split the Earth wide open: the sanctimonious 2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8, a.k.a., the anti-Prius. As an SUV (boooo!), the first plank in my nomination platform is the most obvious. The Jeep's also packing some serious heat with an earth-warming 6.1 L Hemi V8 engine from Chrysler's Street and Racing Technologies in-house performance junkies (double boooo!) Similar to other socially unacceptable SRT models powered by this monster mill – Chrysler 300C, Dodge Charger, forthcoming Challenger – it produces, in the Grand Cherokee SRT8, an unholy 420 hp and the same number of lb.-ft. of torque. Using a special torque converter in an SRT-upgraded five-speed version of a Mercedes-Benz five-speed manumatic, and all-wheel drive (we'll get back to that later), the Jeep launches from 0 to 100 km/h in less than five seconds. Pedalling furiously, the Prius will be along in a fortnight or three. Based on the qualifying Seven Deadly Sins, it's hard to argue against the most powerful Jeep ever as Satan's choice to drive. Even with $9,000 worth of audio/video options and a $4,000 Green Levy tax, the Jeep is about $4,000 cheaper than when it debuted in '06. With its $41,945 base price, the Jeep's otherworldly bang-for-your-buck performance certainly stabs our first Deadly Sin, Envy, into the hearts of $72,200 Porsche Cayenne S, or $73,500 BMW X5 4.8i owners. Or maybe even Lust. I don't have any David Cronenberg-like carnal obsessions for the Jeep. But its monochromatic body with hints of chrome, slammed over 255/45W20 front, and 285/40W20 steamrollers wrapped around polished aluminum dubs, is about as bitching a look as one can get in the usually tame SUV game. And no, sorry, the Jeep SRT8's four-inch dual exhaust pipes poking through the the rear valance do not breathe fire and brimstone. At anything over idle, however, they do sound like the Wrath of God, anger being the next Sin on our list. Like Lust, our fourth Sin, Greed, is one of excess. And "excessive" is the only way I can describe how this athletic SUV gobbles up backroads or long stretches of highway. Beyond its ability to spank said Porsches and BMWs in a straight line, the SRT gang has made sure the Grand Cherokee SRT8 can stop, turn and brake as well. Aftermarket Brembo brakes help justify Jeep's claim that its beast can do the 0-to-160-to-0 km/h return trip in less than 20 seconds. With its SRT sport-tuned dampers, thicker sway bars, stiffer spring rates, suspension bushings, and unique front suspension knuckles featuring a revised camber angle, this Grand Cherokee can handle the occasional day of gratuitous lapping. A Trail Rated badge is absent, but this is still a Jeep. So all-wheel-drive is a must. The SRT8's system is unique to this model. Marrying the front half of a lightweight transfer case to the rear half of a heavy-duty case, from which 5 per cent to 10 per cent of torque is directed to the front. Sinners drive the Jeep like a 2,235 kg rally car. Just oversteer into corners, straighten the wheels, mash the throttle, and let the front end do all the work. Drive it that way, and the Jeep's ability to gulp our planet's diminishing resources would do Mephistopheles proud. I was "only" able to average a 16.8 L/100 km rating during my time with the Devil's own ride. The previous reviewer (God have mercy on his soul) left a glaring 24.7 rating on the Jeep's trip computer, conveniently striking our fifth Deadly Sin off the list: Gluttony. While driving a Prius puts you on the side of political correctness, piloting the narcissistic Jeep – a vehicle that gets noticed for its squirrel-squishing looks, muscle-car performance, and generally sociopathic image – lets everyone know your desire to stand out from the herd, i.e., full of Pride. Originally called the sin of sadness, our seventh and last Deadly Sin, Sloth, is how driving enthusiasts may feel knowing vehicles like this Jeep aren't long for our world. Finally, if one can't resist the temptation of the 2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8's muscle-car performance and SUV practicality, just claim the Devil made you buy it. - John LeBlanc, Publisher, straight-six.com

Comments